Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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