It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
