i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
