wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
