She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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