Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
