Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
