As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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