when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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