And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
