the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
