Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
