Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
