when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
