so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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