After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
