i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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