im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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