Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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