he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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