I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize