Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
