Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
