Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
