my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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