He is such a slut. More and more my type.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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