Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
