I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
