is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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