I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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