We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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