well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
