I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
there is glitter all over my balls
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