Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
