They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
