So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
