Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
