did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
