I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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