he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
