Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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