I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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