when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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