Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
