I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
