I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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