Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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