I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
