God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
