Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
