to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
