By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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