Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
