no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Drake has all the answers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
