Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
