Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
