I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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