I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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