I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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