so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
