I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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