i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize