Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
