Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
