dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
