Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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