Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
